Even Idiots Fall In Love!
by Divine-StarWind
Summary: A romantic comedy, conveying the message that one can find true love in the chaotic world we know as Resident Evil. Watch as the characters struggle to find their perfect soulmate, despite the many misadventures that may follow. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Even Idiots Fall in Love**

This a a joint fanfic between DivineSerenity and SylphStarWind.

Disclaimer: We don't own Resident Evil, or Cookie Crisps.

Summary:

A mountain community in the Mid-West, Raccoon City. It may seem quiet and lonely, but there is something astir in this little town which is now taking place in a little grocery shop off the corner of another ordinary road in Raccoon.  
And from this story we learn that even fools can find true love...  
**  
Chapter One**

Introducing:

Albert Wesker - He may have lost his humanity, but he still has human feelings. And it still hurts when he's kicked in the nads...

Ada Wong - She went into Raccoon, pretending that she was looking for her boyfriend. She met Leon along the way. There was a spark, and she even sacrificed herself for him, but she ends up rejecting him for Wesker.

We now find our favourite super-powered, sunglasses-wearing blonde, Albert Wesker, together with female spy, Ada Wong, who apparently seems to be doing some shopping in a nearby grocery-store. Of how they wound up together, shopping, is not a story one would like to know, unless one would like to throw up in front of their computer right now. But, nonetheless, we shall reveal the true story of how both villains got stuck together, going shopping.

"Damn that Ada. She _always_ makes me do the shopping. She thinks she can boss me around, just because I slept with her... once," Wesker grumbled to himself.

"What was that, love?" Ada asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Nothing, dear," Wesker said, smiling. When she turned her back, he scowled and stuck out his tongue. Then he continued pushing his cart down the cereal and pet products aisle. Some guy in a plaid shirt was giving him a weird look.

"What are you lookin' at!" Wesker snapped.

"Oh, nothing. It's just that... Do you realize that it's night time, and you're wearing sunglasses?" the man asked quietly, clutching a box of Cookie Crisps to his chest, as if he hoped it would protect him. He seemed to sense that something was just... wrong with Wesker.

Wesker gritted his teeth. He heard that question at least ten times a day, and it really pissed him off. It was all he could do to keep himself from snapping the idiot's neck with his bare hands. But he managed to smile.

"I have sensitive eyes. I need to wear sunglasses wherever there's light, even artificial," he explained for about the hundredth time.

The man didn't answer; he merely "eep"ed. The smile that Wesker was offering him was more of a feral grin. The guy practically tripped over himself trying to get away from him. Ada sighed.

"Do you always have to scare people when we go out in public?" she asked.

Wesker rolled his eyes behind his shades. "I do my best, Ada. I wear the sunglasses, I don't use my powers, and I try not to kill anyone. It's not my fault if these sheep get frightened out of their minds so easily."

"You must do better, Albie dear, if you would want to remain in my good book." Ada threw Wesker a sinister grin, a grin that sent shivers up his very spine.

"Yes, dear," He managed to mumble out, and got back to the task at hand; choosing the suitable brand of shampoo, out of the hundreds that were for sale, for Ada's pet dog.

"Keep up with the pace, love. You're lagging behind," she called over her shoulder. His face was hardly visible at all, considering the mountain of grocery and provisions that was piled on the cart Wesker was pushing. Which he would have to pay for, of course.

"Easy for you to say, you sadistic psycho-bitch," he whispered under his breath. He kept going for a second, but then the cart ran into something.

"Dammit, I can't see a thing," he said. He peered around the cart to see Ada's face glaring at him, with a look that could melt steel. Wesker hurriedly took a few steps backwards.

"What did you just say... dear?" she asked. Veins were popping out on her forehead and she was twitching with pure anger. Wesker could picture her head slowly turning three hundred and sixty degrees.

"I think I've been watching a few too many horror movies," he mumbled meekly, before getting the ass kicked out of him. If he hadn't been superhuman, Ada probably could have killed him.

"May that be a lesson to you, love, unless someone looks forward to another beating," she said, cracking her knuckles for an extra emphasis.

"Yes dear...," a pulp of what used to be Wesker replied weakly.

"Great! Now, let's see, what's next on the list?" Ada cheered up almost immediately, bringing more shivers up Wesker's spine.

_**On The Other Side Of The Store...**_

Here, in a secluded area, namely the organic products aisle, we find two grown men and a woman giggling like a couple of five year old girls, as they sit in front of a monitor that displayed the events which took place in the last five minutes. As they re-played the incident, in which a superhuman blonde man got the crap kicked out of him by a mere woman, a fit of giggles broke out, which eventually turned into roars of laughter.

Introducing:

Chris Redfield - A former member of the STARS Alpha team, who shall be Wesker's sworn rival for all eternity. Despite the fact that both are constantly trying to murder each other, this doesn't stop them from flirting around, getting drunk, and having both of their sisters always getting on their case of being single.

Jill Valentine - She was in the STARS with Chris. Rumors are that she's dating both Chris and surprisingly Brad. Although, Nemesis doesn't seem to be taking this news happily.

Leon Scott Kennedy - Over four years ago, he joined the Raccoon City Police Department right before the outbreak of the T-virus. He joined up with Claire to get out alive, but his eyes were on Ada. Unfortunately for him, she wasn't too interested, and she was working for Wesker. He still claims that she was his one true love, and he was hers. He always seems to be one step behind when it comes to winning her heart, but maybe his luck will change today.

"Good thing... the captain... can't... see us now... he'd... have our heads... for... sure," Chris Redfield managed to blurt out with much difficulty in between.

"I dunno," Jill replied, grinning ear-to-ear. "Maybe he isn't as tough as we thought."

"Oh, don't underestimate Ada," Leon said, pausing in his hysterical laughter to sigh wistfully with hearts in his eyes. "She's as tough as she is sexy."

Chris tried to breathe deeply. His cheeks were flushed from lack of air, after he'd laughed for almost eight minutes straight. "Much as I'd like to replay that video over and over, we need to put our plan into action. Let's start operation 'Catch the Scarlet Butterfly' now, before they get done with their shopping." Chris pulled out photos of Ada in bed with Wesker. They had taped a picture of Jill's head over the Ada's face. The 'photographic evidence of Wesker cheating on Ada' looked totally fake, but Chris, Jill, and Leon didn't seem to realize.

"Wait a sec," Jill said, staring at the screen. "What's he doing now?"

**_Back with the mutant blond and the crazy bitch..._**

"Hey honey, what do you want for dinner tonight? Should I get some ground beef or some chicken breasts?" Ada asked, standing in front of the meat section. When her questions were only met with silence, she turned around to find the cart abandoned. She found Wesker standing near a woman with reddish-brown hair, who had a baby in her arms. There was also a young man with red hair standing nearby, looking awkward with the situation.

Introducing:

Claire Redfield: Chris's brother, duh. She's just a civilian, but she can somehow kick ass. She met Leon in Raccoon during the outbreak, but he was busy making googley eyes at Ada. After they got out of there, she went to look for Chris in an Umbrella lab in Paris, and got captured. She was taken to a remote island where she met the love of her life, Steve.

Steve Burnside - He's about Claire's age, maybe a little younger. He may act tough, but he's got strong feelings for Claire. In fact, the two got married. Yeah, we know he mutated and died in CVX, but who cares? Magical resurrections are fun!

Baby - Nobody cares who this little boy is. He's Claire and Steve's child. Enough talk about this useless character.

Wesker was down on one knee in front of Claire, telling her that he could change his evil ways.

"I seriously doubt that. Besides, I'm married now, and I have a baby. And aren't you dating that Asian woman over there? Plus I'm not attracted to you at all. What are you, like, forty?" she said, frowning.

"Baby, things like that don't matter. Just say the word, and I can get rid of the kid and the idiot," Wesker replied. He snatched Claire's child out of her arms and tossed him to some far region of the grocery store. Then he punched Steve unconcious.

After observing Wesker's actions, Claire just stood there, rooted to the spot, her mouth agape. Then, her face started turning many shades of red, both fists were clenched tightly.

"Who the hell... do you think... you are?" Claire had to pause between words as it was taking her everything she had to restrain herself from choking that asshole right there, on the spot. Hell, she survived waves after waves of zombies back in her time, taking this blond asshole out wouldn't be much of a trouble.

Ada was already stomping towards Wesker, brandishing a whip in her hand, as she knew situations like this would arise, what not with Wesker being the flirt he already was. "Oh, Albie, dear!" she called after him, in her most evil yet charming voice ever. Be noted that she has a devillish look plastered on her face.

"So, has anyone told you that you have the best set of rosy cheeks in the world?" Wesker commented, pushing his sunglasses further up the bridge of his nose, which he thought was seductive. To Claire, however, it made him look like a punching bag, ready for a good ass-kicking.

This remark had immediately earned him a flying hook to his face, knocking probably 4 or 5 teeth loose. Who could tell? It also sent his sunglasses flying through the air, landing right in front of Ada's warpath. Time slowed to a crawl, as Wesker was knocked to the ground. He looked up to see an enraged Claire Redfield, cracking her knuckles and neck, but his yellow, cat-slit eyes -- was that the color of his eyes? He couldn't remember. Damn brain damage. -- had focused on something entirely different.

Ada was shouting. However, Wesker could only catch a bit of what she was actually saying, as it contained rather 'big' words such as, "prick", "asshole", "bastard" and so on... His attention was further diverted as his ears caught wind of the lashes of Ada's whip.

&&&&& End of Chapter &&&&&

Hey! Hope you all liked it! We'll try to get the next chapter up soon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Even Idiots Fall In Love**

This is a joint fanfic between DivineSerenity and SylphStarWind. Thanks to Skye Wesker, Rei-kun, J Wesker, and Molekiller for your reviews. Sorry it took so long for chapter two.

Disclaimer: We don't own Resident Evil, and we never will, not even when Chris Redfield turns gay.

Summary:

Where we last left off, Wesker finds himself in hot water, as he faces his mistress and his love, who have now become two of the greatest foes the world has ever seen - Ada Wong and Claire Redfield. Who shall triumph in this battle to end all battles, and will Leon succeed in claiming Ada as his own?

**Chapter Two**

"ALBERT WESKER! YOU COME BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!" Ada's voice boomed throughout the store.

Wesker was immediately jerked back into reality after he drifted off into a sleep, due to the oxygen deprivation that took hold of him. Currently, Claire would be the one responsible for it, as she was on top of Wesker, strangling the life out of him.

Claire immediately got off of him, in search of items that could inflict more bodily harm, rather than just using bare fists. Leaving the blonde bastard behind to escape wasn't much of an issue, because she caught sight of an Asian woman, stomping towards them, brandishing a whip. Her feminine instincts told her that she also had one objective in mind: kick pretty boy's ass.

Wesker struggled to his feet, and was about to take off, until a sharp kick to his crotch warned him to stay put. He looked up, and saw none other than, "Ada, errr... well... ahh... I can explain!". Please let it be noted that Wesker spoke those few words in a very high-pitched voice.

"Oh, well, how about you explain it to this!" were Ada's last words before Wesker's vision was bombarded with stars and his body was greeted with the many lashes of a whip.

At long last, Claire emerged, a baseball bat in one hand, and a taser in another. Her eyes were greeted with the sight of a cruel whipping that she was forced to wince at each and every lashes of the whip, usually followed by a high-pitched cry of pain. A large part of her still thoroughly enjoyed his agony.

&&&&&

"Aw... We made all those plans for nothing," Jill complained.

"No, this is even better! Wesker was hitting on another woman! Ada should _definitely _leave him now!" Leon said with a grin.

"He's hitting on my _sister_," Chris growled. "He's way too old for her!"

"Well, he's getting what's coming to him now," Jill said with a grimace, as Wesker went through another series of lashings. Claire was watching, waiting for her chance to use her weapons of choice.

"I almost feel sorry for him," Leon admitted.

All of them looked at each other and shrugged that thought off.

"Nah... sucks to be him, though," Chris said. He was clearly amused by the sight on the monitor. And deep down inside him, he was doing a dance of victory as he watched his sworn enemy getting his ass kicked all over the place. He felt a pang of anger though, as Wesker _was_ hitting on his sister.

"Guess we'll leave him alone for now," Jill turned and walked towards the doorway.

"Wait! Claire hasn't started on him yet!" Chris was now rubbing his hands in an evil-like manner, picturing in his mind of what Claire could do to Wesker.

"Uh oh, she's starting!" Leon motioned for them to take a look at the monitor.

"Ouch... That's gonna hurt..." Chris had to wince at the 'pretty' sight before his eyes. Jill walked back. She couldn't possibly have anything better to do than to watch Wesker getting his ass whupped over and over.

Claire started with repeatedly jabbing the taser into Wesker's crotch. This went on for several long minutes, while Wesker lay on the ground, whimpering and barely conscious. His body went into spasms and his face scrunched up with each use of Claire's weapon.

"Here's a lesson - you should never have children! So don't bother hitting on me, or I will make sure you're incapable of reproduction," Claire growled.

"I think it's too late... He's probably sterile already," Chris said with glee. Of course, she couldn't hear him, but Leon and Jill nodded in agreement.

"She sure likes to attack his crotch...," Leon commented. Claire was still at it.

"Well, it _is_ a man's most vulnerable part," Chris said defensively. "Nope, nothing sexual about it."

Back with the two ladies and the incapacitated blond fool, who had gathered quite a crowd, Ada was standing by, watching Wesker's torture.

"Honey, much as I enjoy seeing this, I think maybe he's had enough. I need to get home and start dinner, and I can't leave without him," Ada said.

Claire gave Wesker's nuts one final zap before standing up, panting. There was a big grin on her face.

"Wow, that's really therapeutic," she said. "Whenever I have a bad day, I could just harm Wesker mercilessly and I'll be cheered right up. Anyway, yeah, I guess you can take him home now. But try to keep a tighter leash on him from now on, okay?"

Ada nodded. "I plan on it. I'm sorry he gave you trouble."

"Yeah, no prob-- Oh my God! Where's my baby?" Claire exclaimed, looking shocked. She stepped on Wesker's prone form and ran in the direction that the baby had been thrown.

"Come on, dear. We should get you home," Ada said, kneeling beside Wesker. He didn't move, and she slapped him across the face.

"Ah God! Just kill me!" he yelled.

"Not today, love, although if you try that crap again, you might get your request," Ada replied calmly. "Now get up or it's the whip."

Wesker sobbed and struggled into a sitting position. Ada grabbed his arm and hauled him to his feet, then led him back to the meat section and their cart.

"Now, beef or chicken?" she asked, picking up a package of each.

&&&&&

"What the hell? She's not going to dump him?" Leon burst out.

"Erm, maybe it's time to deliver those pictures now?" Jill suggested.

&&&&&

He put the pen to his non-existant lips in a gesture of thoughtfulness. After he figured out the last line, he put his pen back on the piece of paper and scrawled it out, adding his signature at the end.

"STARSSSSS," he said, nodding happily. He quickly read over the letter, then put the pink sheet of paper in a matching pink envelope, and added the last touch - a heart-shaped sticker. He grinned - he was always grinning, but now he was grinning on the_ inside_- and stood to deliver the mail.


	3. Romantic Complications

**Even Idiots Fall In Love!**

This is a joint fic between Divine Serenity and SylphStarWind. Sorry for the loooong wait, folks. We wuz bizzy. Hee :D. Vewy bizzy.

Disclaimer: We do not own Resident Evil whatsoever. If we did, the future must be crawling with Leon-wannabes. (ignore the randomness)

Summary:

As stated in the chapter before, Ada seemingly refused to dump Wesker even after the little 'incident' in the grocery store. Leon is of course, taken aback by this latest turn of events. And now, we take our faithful readers to another incident taking place on the outskirts of Raccoon.

**Chapter 3 - Romantic Complications**

The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and everything was going perfectly as planned. A lone, oversized figure strutted into the view of the citizens of Raccoon City.

As the figure passed by, it earned many whispers amongst the people walking on the sidewalks, and cars occasionally blared their horns at the figure.

However, this didn't seem to have any effect at all on the figure now practically frolicking down the road. A bouquet of flowers was held in one, giant and gloved hand, whereas on the other free hand, a small, magnificently decorated box rested. Obviously, we know that it's really 1. either on a sugar high or 2. just plain happy and perky.

The figure itself was dressed in a rather large leather trench coat, visibly revealing a splendid tuxedo underneath it, and had a black fedora hat on. Furthermore, the whole attire was topped off with a pair of matching leather shoes.

As it neared its destination, it muttered one word, which was scented with much glee and happiness;

"Starsssss."

From somewhere, the slow and peaceful music of a lone violin filled the air. It made Nemesis want to do a lovely little twirl, and he gave in to that desire. Everything is simply beautiful when one is in love.

As a piano joined in with the violin, our trench coat-wearing friend reached the residence of his one, true love. Well, every love seems like the true one, but we'll see if that's what it really is. He started up the sidewalk, dancing a little to the music as he went along. Tucking the box in his hand under his arm, he poked the doorbell in front of him. He checked his breath, found it to be rancid, and pulled a tin of mints out of his coat. He tossed the whole thing in his mouth. Then, he took the box from under his arm and held it in his hand once again. He grinned his best grin, as the door began to open.

Jill Valentine was standing in the doorway, wearing a tank top and sweatpants. She silently stared at the creature standing in front of her, before reacting.

"Oh my fucking God!" she screamed. She slammed the door in Nemesis' face and ran.

"Staaaaars!" Nemesis cried out in frustration. I'm not sure what he expected, really. Well, maybe it went something like this:

_-Nemesis' Inner Mind Theater-_

Nemesis rang the doorbell and the door opened, revealing Jill in a cute-yet-sexy frilly pink dress. He held out his gifts and said sweetly:

"Starsss stars."

"Why, thank you!" Jill squealed in joy. She took the gifts, then stood up on tippy-toes (Nemmy still had to stoop a bit) to land a big kiss on his cheek. Then they like, totally made out.

_-End NIMT sequence-_

Wow, he was way off. He must live in some fantasy world. Oh wait, he does.

Jill was running in terror, first to her bedroom to get her gun, then out the back door. She didn't know how that freak had found her, after all this time, after she had friggin' KILLED it, but it was here. Had showed up at _her_ house. Well, she wasn't going to stand for that. She had to find a way to kill it.

But first, she needed assistance. Where better to find it if not at the Oliviera's household. And off she went, pumping her legs as fast as possible towards the general direction of the said place. Not far behind, she heard the heavy footfalls as the giant behemoth pursued her, still yelling;

"STARSSSS!!!!"

_-Nemesis' Inner Mind Theater-_

After their romantic make out session, Jill pulled away from Nemesis and skipped gaily down the roadway towards the sunset. With a seductive smile and in a playful tone, Jill mouthed out;

"Come catch me, you big hunk."

With that said, she giggled and turned around before frolicking down the sunset-lit road. Without hesitation, Nemesis straightened his tux and adjusted his fedora before taking off after his fair maiden.

"Starrssss..."

_-End NIMT sequence-_

The cruel irony of a twisted yet romantic mind. Ah, the lengths one would go to for love.

Jill rounded a corner only to notice that Nemesis was gaining ground. Instantly, she wheeled around and emptied an entire clip into the hulking behemoth before breaking out into another mad sprint. She surveyed her surroundings and found out that she was in downtown Raccoon, mere blocks away from Carlos's house.

"Must. Get. Carlos!" her brain screamed at the moment.

As she ducked and dodged the traffic of rush hour with Nemesis simply plowing through it like a meadow of flowers, she reloaded and fired another barrage of tiny yet puny 9mm rounds at the BOW. Passers-by could only stop and stare at the scene unfolding before them. Unfortunately, one of them turned out to be none other than Chris Redfield. Yes, THE Chris Redfield.

"Jill! Hold on! I'm coming to save you!" the ever-mighty Chris hopped over a hot dog stand, tripped, and smashed his face onto the pavement.

Talk about getting your ass handed to you by fast food. Now that's lame.

"Chris! Help me!!! This thing wants me! DEAD! LITERALLY!" Jill frantically waved her arms in hopes of getting Chris's attention.

"Starsssss," Nemesis said reasonably, trying to clear up the misunderstanding before getting into a fight. But then, he narrowed his eyes at Chris, wondering if he was actually competition. What did Jill want help from this dinky, clumsy man for, anyway?

"Ouchies," Chris muttered, getting to his feet. Rubbing his face, he turned back to Jill. "Uh, don't worry, Jill! I'll take care of this bastard! You just watch!"

"You better have a rocket launcher, then!" Jill cried, hiding behind Chris as Nemesis drew ever closer.

"Starsssss," the giant stated, trying to hold out his hands in a non-threatening gesture. By non-threatening, he meant swatting away some passers-by, sending them crashing with such force into buildings, cars and other miscellaneous objects.

"Stay away from us, you freak!" Chris screamed, reaching for his gun. And not finding it. He patted himself down, trying to find any type of weapon. All he came up with was a combat knife in his boot.

"Uh, can you gimme a sec?" he asked, turning towards Jill. Nemesis stopped and waited impatiently.

"This is all I got," Chris whispered to his female companion.

"Pff, good luck with that, then!" Jill exclaimed, turning and continuing on her way. Honestly, why did she even try to depend on that Redfield guy, anyway?

"Hey, wait! I can still take 'im!" Chris called out, but she was not listening. He turned around and faced Nemesis, who was looking at Jill's retreating back, and held up his pathetic weapon.

"Starsssss," Nemesis sighed, shaking his head. Flicking Chris' forehead and knocking him on his ass, the creature continued in his pursuit of his love.

"Aww, come on. I can...I can take you...," Chris said, hanging his head and looking lonely. Then he perked up. "I can still catch up to them and save Jill! Yeah, I just gotta get some firepower!" With that, he ran off towards home.

Nemesis slowly caught up to Jill, keeping her in sight at all times. She knew he was gaining on her again, but luckily, she had reached the Oliviera residence. She ran up the walk and pounded on the door.

"Carlos, open up! I've got that big, mutant freak on my ass again!" she screamed.

The door opened, and Carlos questioned, "What about your ass?"

"Ugh, look!" Jill replied, grabbing his head and forcibly turning it to gaze upon Nemesis, who was coming down the street at a leisurely but still quick pace.

"Oh, that. Well, come on in, babe," Carlos said, letting her in and then shutting and locking the door. He started down the main hall of the house, then went through a basement door on the left.

"I keep some big guns down here, in case any crazy shit happens again. Like it is now," he explained. He flicked on a light switch, and the two descended a wooden set of stairs, ending up in a small, concrete room lined with racks of various weapons. They ranged in size and power from pocket knives to a grenade launcher, with everything in between.

"This _might_ do it," Jill said, hefting the grenade launcher in her hands. She looked up at the sound of loud bangs upstairs. It was probably Nemesis beating down the door.

"Here, take these," Carlos said, handing her a belt lined with incendiary, explosive, and acid grenades. He took an automatic rifle for himself.

"I hope this is enough," she said anxiously, as the pair started back up the stairs.

Carlos turned to her. "If it isn't, and he keeps coming after we throw all we've got at him, you just get out of here. I'll...try to slow him down."

Jill smiled and touched his cheek. "That's so sweet. But, I'm not going to leave you alone to fight him on my behalf. This is _my_ problem."

.o.

Nemesis could tell that there was yet another young male here. Just what was Jill playing at, he wondered, while he "knocked" on the door. Finally becoming impatient, he lifted a foot and kicked the door down, sending splinters and dust everywhere. Through it, he could see Jill, _his_ Jill, touching some other man on the cheek. The two were standing _way_ too close for his liking.

"STARSSSSSS!" he roared.

"Die, you monster!" a shout came from nearby, and a shotgun blast caused searing pain in Nemesis' side. He stumbled a little before turning to look at Chris Redfield.

"Jill, I've come to--" the eager young man started, but then he caught sight of Jill with Carlos. The woman quickly dropped her hand.

"Oh, thank God you're here, Chris!" she lied, running forward with her weapon at the ready.

"Hold up, who's that guy?" Chris demanded, pointing (with his shotgun) at Mr. Oliviera.

"Oh, he's just a friend," she said quickly with a nervous laugh.

"He doesn't look like just a friend," Redfield said suspiciously. "Why don't you touch my cheek like that?"

"Yeah, baby, you can't deny what's between us," Carlos added, winking. She mouthed the words "shut up" to him. For his own good.

"Starsssss. Stars?" Nemesis asked, joining their little discussion.

"What he said," Chris huffed angrily.

"What _did_ he say?" Jill asked. "Seriously, I have no damn idea what he's--"

"Neither do I, but don't change the subject! Now WHO IS THAT GUY? REALLY?"

"I'm her Latino lover, man. We escaped Raccoon City together, when it was all going to hell, and there's no other bond like that. We are IN LOVE," Carlos exclaimed helpfully. Helpfully digging his own grave, that is.

"What?" Chris yelled, looking at Jill. "I thought _I_ was the only one who escaped biomedical disasters with you! And...love!? What the hell is he talking about?"

Jill gave that nervous chuckle again, waving her hand in a dismissive manner. "He's not talking about anything! He's just really confused, so don't listen to a word he--"

"Come on, babe. I am the man of your dreams, and you know it! No one can resist the accent!" Carlos said.

"Oh, that's it. I don't care who he is, but he's dead. No one talks to Jill that way! With a sexy accent!" Chris cried, rushing forward and firing his weapon. Carlos screamed as bits of metal bit into his flesh; luckily for him, the first shot had been from a distance, so there wasn't too much damage.

"How would you say, 'Die, you Latino womanizer' in their native language?" Chris cocked his gun, the sheer intent to kill visible in his eyes.

"Starssssssss! Stars! Starsssss!!!"

"Oh ok...DIE, YOU LATINO WOMANIZER!!" Chris fired a round at point-blank, still missing Carlos.

"STARSSSSSS!" Nemesis boomed, joining Chris in going after the woman-stealer.

Carlos let out a frightened 'eeek', dropped his gun, turned, and started running down the hall, while he still could.

"Hey, what about saving me from Nemesis!?" Jill called out.

"Sorry, but I choose LIFE! And, I can't just let this sexy body of mine die just yet. So, toodle-loo!" Carlos shouted back.

.o End of Chapter o.


End file.
